the prisons are the same

It would help if I were feeling less blah to write these things. I am in florence and the city is beautiful but I feel physically sick, tired because I have traveled a long way and ill because of some impossible obligation to love where I am and what I am doing at every minute. I haven't felt free in a while and I don't feel free right now. If anything further trapped - in a place that is not my own in a room that is not my own with rules and the inability to speak, navigate or cook for myself. I think I am supposed to feel like a child - taken care of, occasionally grumpy, filled with wonder. But instead I feel like a inmate on privileges for good behavior, taking walks and then returning to my bed to sleep the aches off.